oh well every once in while .. in life... we all hav to take a huge step into the uncertainty n just do it n get it over n done wit... something akin to a Leap of Faith.. haha

well these past few days are something of a Leap for me.. n ya i guess i kinda make the decision liao loh.. i finally accepted the offer to MOE as a teacher under a Dip programme.. it was a tough choice since everyone was saying very diff things n frankly tat makes me rather scared..

it makes thing worse when i cant really turn to my frens coz either
- they got no time
- they cant relate since they either cant get into uni or can get into uni
- they dun do teaching so they cant say much on it
- they dun seem to take it seriously and only wish to mock me (jokingly i hope)

and well that sucks on a whole..
but yes every cloud has a silver lining ya.. n help can come in the weirdest places..
anyway asking from alot of ppl... one thing is certain the path i choose is not easy..

it nvr was.. after A levels...

my ultimate aim is to get into the cross-over to the degree progam in year2 n frankly i know some ppl will mock me on that.. or say its impossible... n yet there r those whu said i can do it... sigh.. whether ppl r being nice or being mean i dk... but i got to believe in myself i guess

no use trying to tink too much on wad ppl say...

yes its really not easy to get into the crossover.. u need to b in the top 10% of the cohort(i tink).. but i did it b4 in my younger part of my life.. n i shall do it again... i only wish ppl wil just give me support.. or if they dun wan to just leave me alone.. haha

sometimes a bit of support will do... pls

so wish away all the mockery n fear...

me feeling rather scared... alot of 'wad if' r coming into my mind.. damm it! really wish i can tell all my troubles to someone ... but honestly i dun tink i can when given the chance.. guess its always in my nature to keep things in.. very personal things..

afterall u dun know if the person u r talking to really cared abt wad u said.. n he might just spread wad u said to everyone or twist it to make it into some mockery...

i exped that b4.. n gosh i cant still forget.. i forgave a long ago but nvr forget

ARGH!... shall just take all these troubles and store them into the deepest corner of my heart.. n one day i hope i will clear them up ya..

i nvr did believe in God or gods ... cld b just the cynical me.. but if there is a God or gods.. why does he make things so damm smooth sailing n then bring u down with so much force..

to humble me?
to teach me?
to make me stronger?

Sigh...
damm u!

******

wish away emo mood.. wish it away!

since dis my few totally free wkends.. i shall use it to the max..

i give u another photo album!

this time its the actual NDP 07 itself.. the preview ones will hav more performance pic than this one.. this actual NDP one will hav more pic of us just having ridiculous fun.. so enjoy:

NDP'07 @ Marina Bay Actual

look to the side sections for the diff photo gallery..

i wil try to upload more recent pic soon... next upcoming ones shld b the Pnr Cohesion n my Taipei trip...

c YA!

ok it has been ages since i post new pic.. so here is the newest one

NDP'07 @ Marina Bay Previews

yes i know its a year old.. but i really din hav time to upload n process them.. but here they.. pics taken during the previews period of NDP 07.. which at that pt of time we were all not true EOD Pnrs yet...

its quite a big album coz got ALL the photos of mutiple previews..

ENJOY!


*photos can b found under the 'Here View my Life' section at the side

well it one of those last min meetings again.. haha

ok waiting for the com guy to come n then repairing the com.. i was off to meet poh, aaron n chew yi (tall gal).. haha for 'shopping' trip...

in the end we din really 'shop'.. i went to cut hair at gd old 'Pointes' haha.. miss the nice hair washing sessions.. haha..

then it was 'shopping'...

n then it was eating dinner at Imperial Treasure (nan bei one) in taka.. hHAH.. where poh was getting emo.. n swearing words.. n also ordering food like a guy on rampage.. lolz.. chew yi n me had to stop him.. with aaron taking the menus away.. haha.. gosh emo is the new 'in' thing. haha

in the end we settled for 4 dishes n 3 desserts.. for 3 ppl to eat. quite alot i tink.. but the food was nice.. haha.... the talking even more.. and the bitching the best.. haha

then it was some sagging wit chew yi wondering if she shld go to the BBQ where playboy was.. haha.. poh was adamant at her not going.. then it was more sagging at starbucks.. where we feasted on cakes n fraps.. n well..

bitched... laughed.. n i tink caused quite a lot of chaos..

poor poh was being abused by chew yi n me..

LOLZ!

i always feel injecting new ppl into outings r a gd thing as long as n AS LONG AS the new person is willing to interact.. haha..

by the time we were done.. we had exp all sorts of emotions.. lolz .. with chew yi feeling particularly augsty abt her personal stuff. it was amusing to c her at it.. coz poh was dancing to the radio.. n she was like bitching n snapping at every single living thing on the road..

oh i forgot to add she was driving us home.. haha
well it was fun...





gosh! bitch man whore sluts.. the lot of u all!





tmr sunday got stand by.. sianz...

using bro lappy now... this post shall b posted onto my blog later when i fixed that stupid com of mine.. apprently it died .. some prob with the power supply unit of the CPU.. bahz!

******

well on friday was 36sce unit cohesion.. quite ok bah.. the morning activities in camp was well rather ridiculous n thus i shall not blog abt it.. haha .. the aftrnoon though was quite nice..

our unit actually managed to book an entire Suntec city cinema for us.. haha.. so we watched the Incredible Hulk.. quite a cool show.. lolz.. i stil tink it was a gd idea for Marvel to take over control for filming these films.. that way they can really like stuff tgt.. which is wad they did in the Hulk show.. watch it closely .. u will find alot of references.. haha.. u wld b able to make more sense of it if u got show Iron Man..

the show was actioned packed bah.. so nice nice ... and its much better than the first hulk movie which i tot was quite a failure.. haha.. i say go watch it.. cant wait for sequel to come out.. hehe n cross overs too

*******

then it was followed by a very long awaited meeting with some very long lost sji frens.. haha.. watched Hulk again.. gosh!

the outing was nice in its own way... haha.. been so long since i saw some of the guys.. juniors n seniors.. haha

like kl say.. ppl do become better... n well he is right.. haha ppl whu i tot i cant stand.. i find now they r ok... i guess i was too hasty when i made my decision..

i swear.. i shall try my bestest effort to reaffirm these long lost relations esp in terms of my long lost batch mates.. haha.. give me a chance pls..

i hope for more such meetings...

********




on the other hand i m suppose to meet up with sam to get her very very delayed present.. but i keep having no time.. sry dearest sam.. sigh.. i m trying... i really am..

soon soon.. IT must b soon

*********


the decison.. draws ever nearer... ever ever nearer....

ok i hav been wanting to blog but well things keep happening n there was no time at all...

so i shall try to cover alot of things in this ONE entry since tmr i got to go to camp for standby duties again.. sigh

*******

well most recently was the passing of IISS.. in short its a meeting of defence ministers from quite a number of major countries n ASEAN.. and of course as to all major events 36SCE was called up ... haha it was by far the most fun standby.. perharps it was becoz we were more 'old bird' liao.. but regardless we had fun.. i mean we were watching VCD/DVDs and also playing com games.. haha .. fun fun.. N the hotel rm that we bunk in was well nicer than any so far.. i mean 5 ppl to 1 whole completed 'Shangri-la Garden Wing' hotel rm.. haha ... u can call for rm service n all that... we had a fair amt of fun in the hotel rm itself.. lolz.. well mainly was poh n me.. doing ridiculous things like 'role-playing' with bath robes (i was normal, poh was being sensual =P) n dancing to the SAJC orientation indian song n the chicken dance.. lolz there was also pillow fights... n also playing TD on WC3 on the lappy.. haha... n of course calling for rm service when we ran out of sugar to make more tea/coffee.. the whole even t was nice bah.. though some log side ppl were acting quite bitchy but well wish them away n cant b bothered abt them... afterall we r PIONEERs.. hehe.. ok quite ego lah..

********

lolz.. i m actually finding it quite hard to recall wad has happened liao...

********

ah yes the celebrating of Aaron's bday.. haha much work gone into it.. it was not the most ex gift but i guess it was one of the most 'hand-made' ones.. lolz... it was essentially a giaffe package... which is aaron fav animal (i also dun know why).. well at least the cake cutting ceremony was rather successful.. we had the SB Sgt go wake them up, luring them to our bunk where the cake was presented.. haha...

HAPPY BDAY AARON!

********

and of course how can one forget the very rare Kbox session that happened.. haha singing was quite a liberating affair.. i must say i hav almost nearly lost all my sa choir singing stuff.. haha honestly i tink i sound like a bloody idiot.. but obviously no one really cares.. so oh well.. just sing bah.. it was amusing watching ppl singing n getting high.. though at the start it was boring coz it was just a mass spam of chinese sings.. which is like so omg.. haha... and anyway K Box english songs selection is rather the horrible.. but i guess i had fun.. hmm i do look 4ward to more K boxing.. haha.. we shall break the jinx!

the Jade outing the day after was nice too.. spent quite alot there.. but the dim sum is so NICE... gosh explosive power sia... feel like bring sam or mummy to that place.. its gd place.. really it is.. haha .. btw its at Fullerton hotel.. nice place too..

********



now.. some random thoughts/rantings/bitching

********

recently in army the same shit that happened in SJI is happening all over again.. n frankly thank the heavens i exp it b4.. i knew how to handly it better.. i must rmber ppl change.. but morals dun...

a true fren stands by always

let my actions prove my pt... n to hell the rest bah.... thnak goodness there r sane ppl around haha.. to bitch talk n hav fun..

i do take pride that i can speak openly in front of my true frens.. i mean true frens shld not hav to hold their tongue (there r some exceptions of course).. but the last thing i wan is to feel restricted when i was suppose to b in the company of frens...

wish away all the politics n boot lickers n very very despots.. haha =P

and well i m wishing..

wish for a faster ORD.. n mayb wish for hazard pay?

HAHA!

note to self: Life sucks!

wad more can i say? i m rather down on luck or the ppl whu do the duty forecast r very cruel ppl...

sigh.. this coming wkend wld b another one of those wkends when i shall spent much of the time back in camp.. and frankly that sucks

gosh man... i wan back my wkends leh... stop giving me like sweep on sat n SB on sun.. its really is stupid loh...

but somehow i know nothing much can b done abt it.. or is it? can we try harder?
ok thats just the negative me talking...

SIGH

and giving me a free wkday period really does not count for much...

blahz

the urge to srceam at the top of my lungs at some ppl is really really starting to eat at me...






for goodnes sake.................

BUSY!

ya .. if all things goes as 'planned'.. i wld hav no free wkends this mth.. which of course really sucks.. but oh well lah i shall just take it..

anyway.. today was fun in a way.. went out with Army frens n Sam which is always a gd thing...haha

after handing over the standby duty to the sat SB team.. i went home, washed up n then meet poh...

and then we 'dot dot dot dot dash dash dash'...

and then we went on to town to meet up with the rest of the gang- Ah wang n his gal, jaime n his gal and also poh's fren tall gal whose name sounds like 'chewy' .. haha

anyway we ate at goodwood park high tea.. 2nd time we went there n its nice really.. ok it comes wit a price.. but i tot it was worth it.. 'chewy' aka tall gal was quite the coonversational gal .. n ah wang gal was more n more interactive (which is gd).. so much talking took place btwn poh, 'chewy', ah wang n gal n ME.. poor jaime whu was on the other side...well din really hav a chance to tok to them.. haha... and his gal did looked abit fierce to me.. =(

had hope she wld b more 'open'.. but mayb next time.. she did got into a gd taling session with ah wang gal.. so i guess theres improvement..

anyway after that was meeting wit SAM..

ok lah.. the meeting was actually rather short.. just 2 hours..
din really expect to meet her today.. but well it was gd..

talking n sharing.. n having our usual bitching.. haha
it was liberating.. and i can SO so so so understand how she is feeling sometimes
with all the stress.. n life's trouble...

'bloody sucky lives we hav'

anyway.. i still hav not gotten sam her bday gift.. so hmmm...

shoes ar... haha =)












****







well.. i feel i got to make a move soon...



or i wil lost it...




its whether if my action will destroy something that nice n comfy now





wad to do?

oh well much has passed since i last blogged i tink..

guess the most impt thing that happened was the uni interview that happened..
to b frank i dun know if i shld call it a uni interview..

afterall the interview is actually for a diploma course with a chance of crossing over to the degree progam at the end.. but its at NIE which is in NTU.. and so i guess it can b called a uni interview?

i dk .. really..

in case u r still figuring that out.. i m applying to b a teacher (like duh?) .. however my A levels grades r just unable to get me into the better degree in education course.. so MOE (being the nice ppl they r) offered me a diploma in education with chance of crossing over to the degree course..

oh well..

i dk to feel happy or sad.. one hand its means i wun get my degree in ed.. which is my 1st choice.. on the other, they did say theres a chance of crossing over to the degree course so in a way it is giving me a 2nd chance..

damm it!.. i hate such choices.. its like enither gd nor bad.. sigh

but life goes on .. as usual..

there r risks always if i shld go into teaching esp the dip one... the first one is if and IF i dun do well in the dip one, i will b stuck in it for quite a few period b4 i can use MOE to get a private degree outside.. sigh...

and of course the greatest prob is that having such a degree or dip is a dead end, i must like teaching in order to do well.. but can i really do it? i seem to tink i like teaching... i do tink i got the passion.. but is it just wishful thinking... is it the naive me thinking...

am i thinking with my heart again? and not with my head?

and it sucks just i cant seem to find any answers.. ask around and u get lots of bad n gd pt.. some say the dip course is a trap.. some say its worth a try..

AIYO!!!!

with both gd n bad.. i wil hav to make this very painful decision by myself..sheesh man..
my life sucks.. n 36sce is not helping.. but then again when did it ever helped.. haha =P


********


Chairperson of Interview: so of the 3 tracks(leadership, teaching n specialist) in MOE, which one do u see yourself in it?

Me: i wld see myself in teaching track, the leadership track grooms ppl to take up position in the ministry n i dun c myself there. so ya its teaching track for me

(i left specialist track out coz i dun know anything abt it...)

Chairperson of Interview: well not all ppl in the leadership track goes into MOE but its ok. So u c yrself in the teaching track? ... u would become a master teacher yes?.. a senior teacher?

Me: *small laughter* i do hope so someday. *gives big cheeky smile*

**laughters from the 3 Interviewers**



*******

i do hope to the heavens above they were laughing with me n not at me...




i shall move on ..

sometimes. sometimes i do like to interfere in something esp when its under my so called 'job scope'.. haha and boy i do like it when i see that face of hidden displeasure surfacing when i began my little twitching of the system...

and how does this one try to stop me, he becomes vague.. n so i ask more questions.. haha.. until i get wad i wan.. until i get my results.. u shall hav no peace from me..

i am..afterall.. just doing my job =)

******

anyway recently there was the resurfacement of our old pnr probs... i mean these probs hav been around for ages but as humans we kinda just forget abt them. until recently when an act of self interest was so damm obvious..

ok there was some discussions, leaning abit to confrontations, but relationship still managed to stay..

however i dun quite believe the tension has vanished.. but oh well wad can i do? once again i must say unless we can hav a common stand.. nothing will b done..

afterall one side has the backing of the higher-ups , while the rest hav only each other.

sigh!

******



blah.. this is the mth of may.. where the heat will b turned on, it supposed to b the peak period of 36sce
so busy busy

each day i lived .. i find myself actually tinking back to wad life was like b4 army .. haha
gosh things were different..

and just today, after i stand down from duties in 36sce, on route to bpp to meet kl i actually met chaiyi on the bus..

lolz and the initial thoughts were that of when was the last time i saw him, my memory seem to put the last meeting of him at some pub near Specialist Centre.. ya wit the rest of the ventures i suppose.. n boy that was long long ago..

neway i found out he was posted to Tengah Airbase (ok i tink i spelt it wrongly).. lolz which is like near to my hse.. lolz..

damm it lah.. bloody hell.. why the hell of all the fucking camps in spore, i m posted to the other end of spore.. lolz man

dun tell me not enough ppl from pasir ris area can clear security clearance meh.. blahz
oh well no use whinning.. kinda gotten used to travelling liao..

afterall like some of us say, how cool is it to get into one of the more high security units, i mean we protect the elites of spore.

ya right... whu ever cares abt that...

lolz...

neway the sudden meeting with cy.. does made me realise that i hav not seen some the bitches of old days for quite sometime..

hmmmm..

swimming in thoughts...